Macho

Apparently, heavy use of power tools causes a cascade of unrelated changes in one's life. Here's an overview of the process:

Tools → Appetite → Testosterone → Raging masculinity

I think I now understand what it's like to be a college athlete. I used to watch football players load up their trays with cereal, grilled chicken, eggs, bacon, and ice cream, and that was only for lunch!

After a few days of manual labor, my metabolism had ramped up to nearly the same level. When it's 10 at night and your body needs about a thousand calories right now, one food group keeps surfacing into your consciousness. Meat. But where does one get huge servings of meat late at night?

So began a beautiful friendship.

Our first dinner was fairly tame. Here's the evidence.

If you look closely, you may notice a number of non-macho elements in this picture.

1. Sitting at a table
2. Use of plates
3. Smiling for the camera
4. Contemplating eating a plant

After several days' practice, we'd gotten much better.

Eating dinner while watching TV is just American. But chucking your TV into the back of a van and then eating dinner on the dust in which it rested? That's macho.

The next step? Realizing that chairs are a waste! Why take the time to clear them off and sit down when you could just stuff your face as quickly as possible and start working out 30 seconds sooner? Men don't need to sit to eat.

Men don't need to shave to eat either.

In fact, the only acceptable place for a man to sit is on a sofa, preferably situated so that he can watch someone else doing work.

It might look like J is just chilling out, but being macho is a job of its own. I never understood before now.